2008 Keynote: Master Skip Chasey

The Rise and Fall of the M/s Community (A Cautionary Observation)

Keynote Address to the 2008 Master/slave Conference

Thank you, Sir, for that very kind introduction.

As I know some you can attest, the opportunity to give a keynote address, particularly to one's peers, is a rare privilege, and that's certainly the case for me tonight. It's usually a pleasure as well; however when Master Taino and the M/sC Executive Committee extended their invitation to me, my blood ran cold. I knew instantly what my subject matter would be, and I feared that giving this particular address would likely prove to be more nerve-wracking than pleasurable.

I say that because I have a disability, one that's particularly unfortunate for someone who identifies as a Master: I'm egoically attached to having people like me. I want to be seen as someone who is upbeat, who has a positive, perhaps even inspirational, message, and my concern is that, after tonight, you'll view me as an alarmist, a real downer, and you'll dismiss my observations as unfounded or apocalyptic. Worse, some of what I have to say is in direct opposition to that which others who have stood behind this podium have expressed, and I fear that such public contrariness on my part will annoy or offend some of you, including those whom I consider friends.

I'm fully aware that being inflammatory or divisive is not the best way to kickoff what's supposed to be a fun weekend, and rest assured that's not my intention, nor is it my intention to stand up here as the community scold. Nevertheless, I also know that as a Priest in Black Leather I've been called not only to comfort the afflicted but, at times, to afflict the comfortable. I therefore beg your indulgence if this comes across as so much sermonizing. Believe me, I'm as guilty as the next when it comes to the issues I'm going to address, so please know that the preacher is first and foremost preaching to himself.

The Central Premise

The title of my address is The Rise and Fall of the M/s Community: A Cautionary Observation, and my premise is this: there is a cancer growing within the Master/slave community that poses a serious threat to its sustained health and well-being. We must root it out now, before it becomes an entrenched part of the community's dynamic, lest we soon find ourselves dysfunctional, demoralized, irredeemably stagnant, and, as individuals, deriving little value from our participation in the community.

And just what is this purported threat? you ask. In a word, incivility, and during the next several minutes we're going to examine this condition in some depth, as well as the impact that it's having on our community.

The Birth of Our Community

For all intents and purposes, the Master/slave Community as we know it today came into being in 1999 at Southeast LeatherFest in Atlanta, Georgia. That event, conceived by Guy Baldwin and produced by Guy, SELF and Masters And slaves Together, was the first large-scale leather conference devoted almost entirely to the topic of M/s and D/s relationships. Prior to MAsT '99, which is how many of us reverentially refer to it, the subject of M/s and D/s relationships usually warranted no more than a single workshop or two at a weekend conference, if even that.

At MAsT '99, hundreds of men and women who were actively engaged or otherwise interested in primary relationships based on consensual dominance and submission came together for the first time ever to socialize, give and receive support, and share experiential knowledge and information with other like-minded individuals. Words simply cannot describe the sense of homecoming and possibility that permeated that weekend. The significance of MAsT '99 for those of us who engage in M/s and D/s relationships and the positive impact it's had on our lives, whether one was actually there or not, cannot be overstated. It's fair to say, and I'm sure that Master Taino will back me up on this, this conference would not be taking place this weekend had it not been for MAsT '99.

Since that fateful event and my involvement in the national M/s community it birthed, I feel as if I've discovered the Garden of Eden, Shangri-la and Camelot all rolled into one…and I know I'm not alone in that regard. I love this community, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I experience an enhanced sense of wholeness from being a part of it. The possibility that it could unintentionally self-destruct, and in such short order, provokes both anxiety and tremendous sadness within me.

The Problem: Unchecked Incivility

Now, I'm using the rather genteel word incivility as a catchall for a whole host of hurtful and hateful behaviors that I've personally experienced or witnessed, or about which I've heard reliable reports:

Aggression • Arrogance • Backstabbing • Bickering • Bullying • Cattiness
Coercion • Condescension • Contemptuousness • Cruelty (the bad kind) • Discourteousness
Discrimination • Disrespect • A sorry lack of empathy • An appalling sense of entitlement
Exploitation • Feuding • Gossip • Ingratitude • Insensitivity • Judgmentalness
Libel • Maliciousness • Manipulation • Meanness • Persecution
Power grabs and power struggles • Rampant rumormongering • Rudeness • Scapegoating
Schadenfreude (taking delight in the misfortune of others) • Selfishness • Slander
Tribalism (clique politics) • Unkindness • Victimization • Vilification
Every kind of fill-in-the-blank-phobia you can shake a fist at

In short, some of us are behaving in ways that are downright deplorable, and that behavior is causing the relatively new foundation of our community to crack.

The Imperial/Imperious Confusion

Chris M of Black Rose and Lady Medora of the New Orleans Power Exchange have identified an interesting phenomenon they call The Imperial / Imperious Confusion, which suggests that some of us, in an effort to appear imperial, meaning as befitting a supreme ruler, conduct ourselves in a manner that is in actuality imperious, which is to say arrogantly overbearing, haughty and disdainful.

They further note that this confusion typically sets in when an individual, having been involved in the community for a few years, first begins to assume a position of leadership, believing that such behavior demonstrates expertise or intelligence or importance. To add insult to injury, those new to the community observe this behavior and endeavor to emulate it, believing that it's proper and expected, and that it signifies high status. As a result, the community's standards of conduct are further diminished and the social environment continues to erode.

The Root Causes

Two of the primary causes of chronic incivility are narcissism and poor self-esteem, and one of the dirty little secrets of our community may be the proportionally higher number of individuals—Masters and slaves alike—who suffer from at least one of those disorders. Rather than deal with their issues, these individuals use their involvement in M/s or D/s to cover up their low self-esteem or to rationalize their self-centeredness, and in so doing they make those around them suffer as well.

Our Vulnerability

Well then, you might be thinking, what's the big deal? Other groups seem to be able to weather the storm. What do they have that we don't have?

Well, for starters, longevity, mutuality and a solid foundation. Other communities have been able to survive in spite of their own incivility and infighting because they have a strong underlying value system that's able to sustain them during periods of disharmony, because they have an interdependent, mutually supportive relationship with at least one other community that shares similar interests and values, and simply because they've been around for a much longer time.

By contrast, it's been a mere nine years since MAsT '99, and while our community's branches are many as a result of MAsT's expansion, conferences likes this one, and the unprecedented ability for finding and connecting with each other that's been afforded to us by the Internet, our roots are still very, very shallow.

We simply cannot afford the luxury of infighting, because right now there's no one else, other than us, who will step in to keep us from metaphorically killing each other. We're the outsiders among the outsiders, and the reality is that those of us whose D/s proclivities extend beyond the dungeon are more often than not considered suspect by our leather brothers and sisters, who view us as a threat to their social acceptance.

Those people—meaning us—are on the fringe. We don't care about them.

— Response from a leading national advocacy organization when confronted about problematic policy language

We're all we've got, folks, at least for the time being, and if our community is going to survive, it's vitally important that all of us play nicely.

The Solution: Values, Not Doctrine

I do not believe the solution lies in our adopting a communal doctrine, by which I mean standardizing and codifying the vocabulary, concepts, teachings, honorifics, and role characteristics deemed correct or acceptable for our community. Quite the contrary—I believe that establishing a communal doctrine will only add fuel to the fire by fostering a subtle and insidious form of incivility that will be even more damaging than that which is blatant and direct.

An enforced doctrine fosters an us vs. them mentality, and in subtle and not-so-subtle ways we've already got much too much of that going on in our community. There's ageism, racism, classism, and regionalism; hets vs. homos; gays vs. lesbians vs. bisexuals; the Old Guard vs. the avant garde; M/s vs. D/s; and Goreans vs….everyone else.

The Power of Core Values

The solution to the incivility problem in our community, as well as the fulfillment of the very valid need that lies beneath the push for a communal doctrine, will never be found in the establishment of such a doctrine, but rather in the ascertainment of our community's core values.

The larger leather community's watchwords of Safe, Sane and Consensual, and Risk Aware Consensual Kink are not a standardized set of rules and regulations; they're values, values that are open to reasonably broad interpretation. That makes the soul-damaging absolutism of a leather doctrine all but impossible.

We would be better served if we focused our efforts on identifying our core values and then instilling them within our collective consciousness, and not on creating and implementing a communal doctrine that would most certainly only lead us to greater discord and strife.

Suggested Core Values

While I'm not about to propose that I know what our core values are or should be, I will suggest that in reflecting upon them we might consider at least some of those set forth in MAsT's core values statement:

Personal Fulfillment
Inclusivity
Diversity
Free Association
Community Support
Mutuality
Personal Responsibility
Boundaries

Of these, I feel that Free Association is particularly important in that, while it respects the need for inclusivity and diversity, it doesn't preclude members from gathering together in smaller chapters, sub-communities if you will, that are established according to the desires and preferences of each chapter's members.

A Call to Action

We must recognize incivility as the threat that it truly is, and then commit ourselves to improving our own individual behavior. We must then respectfully confront incivility whenever and wherever it occurs, and hold each other accountable for our conduct and deportment.

As Jack Rinella wisely noted: I really believe that allowing free and uncensored speech, and respecting the fact that others have opinions that are different from mine, are the only ways to proceed. Respect, let me note, implies no amount of agreement, and it need not. ... It is [simply] a matter of live and let live. ... I may not agree with you, but I will defend your right to disagree with me.

Hope for the Future

Even though our community possesses some unique qualities that tend to cultivate a culture of incivility, thus far the majority of us are interacting with each other in ways that are by and large healthy, functional and civil. So perhaps it's not too late for us to turn this ship around and chart a less dire, more propitious course.

Here I stand, committing to you that I'll do my part to help stem the rising tide of incivility that we're facing, sincerely hoping that you will do the same, and praying that will be enough to prove me wrong.

In Closing

So, before we end, let's raise a glass
We'll drink a toast, please not our last
Here's to our lives with chain and lock
I pray we can turn back the clock

If not, there's nothing left to say
But I've loved these days

Have a great weekend!

This keynote address was delivered at the Master/slave Conference in 2008 by Master Skip Chasey, addressing the critical issue of incivility within the M/s community and proposing values-based solutions for sustainable community health.